Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
