Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
