Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
