also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
