I got chris browned last night
I puked a lego.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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