I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize