i wish there were pregnant emoticons
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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