I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
