Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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