I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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