Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
