Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
