I need help removing her.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize