He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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