everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
