3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I died a long time ago.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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