i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
