gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
