my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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