The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
