omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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