Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
