i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize