tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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