So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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