my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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