John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
