Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
