i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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