I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
