How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
