mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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