While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
