There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
