Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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