How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
