while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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