how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
