When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
