I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
