im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize