I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
