Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize