Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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