you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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