i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
