Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
