and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize