Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
