idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
