Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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