And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
