After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
