sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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