Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
