Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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