Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
