my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
