The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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