He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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