My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
