i can't believe i had my finger in that
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
