Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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