I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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