Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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